For the better part of this month, the thought of sitting down at a computer or even putting together coherent thoughts in a blog was out of the question. It was the first time for me to lose someone close, the process of trying to internalize and process the events taking place were somewhat surreal. At times, it felt like I was watching a movie and it will soon end… to some extent it still does. Having received the dreadful news of my cousin’s death in the early days of the new year, 2009 was forever marred with unpleasant memories. To make a difficult situation even more difficult was the process of trying to release his remains and bring them to Sudan for a proper burial; a wake, which was to last 3 days at most lasted nearly 3 weeks. I do not want to dwell on the events and what could have been. It is still somewhat difficult to process that I will never see him again.

I am thankful a good portion of my family was here or flew here to be together during this dreadful time. Their strength and solidarity has definitely helped in pulling our family together and shielded us this shattering event. I have come to realize that during moments of atrocity, one’s true nature shines through. Having time to reflect on what took place, along with my grief, I am in awe of my family for pulling together and supporting each other. Each and every one of them is uniquely beautiful and I am thankful to have them.

With time, I hope that it will become easier. For now I ask god to provide us with patience to move on. He is constantly in my prayers and I hope he rests in peace. I ask god to give my aunt to deal with this tremendous grief, as I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a loved one, let alone a child.

I will try bit by bit to get back to blogging as I start to regain some sense of “normalcy” in my day-to-day activities.

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